Dr. Future Simon’s Guide to the Future, the Past, and Everything Important


In game 7 of the year 99995887 World Series, there was a pitch that never came to the home plate. It was thrown April 17. Robocop’s grandson (nobody had the idea to make his son until 9999456) had just struck out 777,777,777 batters, in the longest game in the World Series. He threw the ball at Roboto Clemente, and in a flash of blinding light, the ball was gone. Roboto Clemente swung, and he struck out. The ballboy couldn’t find the ball, so he scratched his head, and the game moved on.

The ball, as you might have guessed, went to the past, where it hit Superman in July, 888843. (He can travel to the future, he’s too OVER POWERED!) It was much deadlier than a bullet, so it killed him. (And then he was resurrected just like he was in Justice League.)

After hitting Superman, the ball bounced up to the brilliantly blue sky, and then the ball went flying into space.

Mars was the first planet to get hit because it’s the closest planet to Earth in the solar system. It cracked Mars in half, and the planet was no more. As the ball ricocheted back to earth, the gravity increased the speed, and the ball went back in time again.                                           

It was flying through the year 1752 in the Philadelphia air when it hit a piece of wood, The wood hit the Liberty Bell right when the person did a test hit. It was moving at a whopping 1 LPH (lightyear per hour.) It did a tremendous jump to the dinosaur age, where the beginning of the end of the dinosaurs was about to begin.

It struck the earth so hard that it made a fiery crater in the ground. The dust started to move and then, well, we all know what happened to the dinosaurs. Even though the ball had survived the collision with Mars, the earth, and most impressively, Superman, it disintegrated when it hit the ground.

Scientists are still pondering what happened to the dinosaurs, but now you know. (You also know when Mars will disintegrate, the official reason the Liberty Bell cracked, and some pretty darn useless info about the future.) Congrats for paying attention the whole time to Dr. Future Simon’s Guide to the Future, the Past, and Everything Important!!!

 

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